do it, or do not; you will regret both

on embracing risks, finding joy in the unexpected, and truly living life to the fullest

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations—one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it—you will regret both.” — Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or

Whenever my friends and I dive into deep conversations—usually over a cup of coffee that’s long gone cold or three drinks in at the pub—we always circle back to the same theme: the things we desperately want to do but are too afraid to try.

It could be anything—telling that one cool person at uni that we admire them, finally confessing to a crush, or cutting off that friend who drains our energy like a phone on 1% with no charger in sight.

But just as quickly as the excitement builds, fear sneaks in. “What if?” they ask. “What if it all goes wrong?” And just like that, the moment slips away, buried under a pile of "what-ifs" and missed chances.

In response, I always smile and say, “Do it or do not; you will regret both.”

This quote is from Søren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher and existentialist. He is regarded as the founding father of existentialism, and this quote suggests that no matter what we do in life, we are bound to regret it.

Kierkegaard calls this a “double regret”, explaining that we are bound to regret every decision we make, so we might as well live life to the fullest.

As I get closer and closer to the end of my first year of university, the phrase, ‘do it or do not: you will regret both’, repeats constantly in my head, like a child who has memorised the Lord’s Prayer. I have so many dreams, so many goals to achieve, and so many books to read that I often feel too overwhelmed by all the lives I’m not living.

I want to live a fulfilling life, to live a life full of risks, to step into new rooms that 13-year-old me would have never even imagined I could enter. I want to do everything; I want to be everything. But deep down, I know that I will have to pick, that I will have to sacrifice potential parts of myself, potential future mes.

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.” — Jonathan Foer

So, what do we do with all this… confusion? What do we do with the everlasting pain of existential dread following us throughout our lives? There is only one solution: to live.

Everyday, you complain about how little time you have. You look in the mirror to confirm your identity, to shred your identity or to hate your body. You spend over ten hours on your phone daily and then wonder why you can’t stop comparing your life to others on the internet.

You desire to read; you severely crave a good book, but you can’t seem to stay focused or stop all of the noise in your head. You like this person at school. You can’t stop thinking about them, creating scenarios where you are together, happy somewhere, making dinner together.

You wish they could see you for who you are; you wish you could control your irrational desire to be with them so your imagination creates the comfort you lack in real life.

You want your mother to try to understand you, to try to put herself in your shoes, and every time you sit with your best friend’s family and feel the love in the room, suddenly you are four years old again, begging to be loved, begging to be seen.

I know how scary it is to give yourself wholly and unabashedly. To show yourself bare to the world and say, “This is me, this is who I am. Except it or leave.”

I am terrified to take risks. I am frightened to show myself because I fear being judged.

I find comfort in journaling because I can open myself up naked, like a flower that blooms. I read so much because I feel seen within the pages of a book.

I understand fear. I’ve touched it, and I have felt it. I have been living in fear since I was a child.

However, do you ever wonder when it will be enough? How long will you stay in fear? Until the fear engulfs you, like a thief in the night, taking away any potential at a chance of truly living life?

Do you want twenty years to pass, and suddenly, you are forty years old, regretting your youth? Looking down at your innocent children, children who did not ask to be here, looking hopelessly into their eyes for the fulfilment that you would have thought you would get from having them?

Do not wait for twenty years to pass before you start living your life. We must live in the now.

There will always be something going on: a bad breakup, a horrible job, stupid co-workers, not enough time, and constantly obsessing over body weight.

You must take this all in and remind yourself to get up in the morning and feel the breeze on your skin. Stop cancelling plans and finally see that friend or family member you’ve been avoiding. Kiss a stranger on a Friday night when the air hums with magic and the alcohol ignites a voracious hunger.

Dance in the middle of the street. Plan that euro summer trip you’ve been dreaming of going on for years.

Apply for that dream job that you’re not qualified for. You may get it; you may not.

Cry over a good book with the most delicious prose, and re-watch your favourite films because nostalgia is the most devastatingly beautiful emotion ever. Tell your friends, family and significant others that you love them because tomorrow is not promised, and you never know what day will be your last.

Plan that solo trip to Bali because you know that if you continue to rely solely on other people to travel the world, then you will never go. Write that book that you can’t stop thinking about.

Apply for that degree that you may be unqualified for. Try learning an instrument for its sake. Give your number to strangers, knowing full well that they may never text you back.

Dream big, dream boldly and dream widely.

Take risks, be brave and be free.

There is no reason for you not to deserve something. You deserve everything. You are worthy of good things. Are we not already on earth? Isn’t that suffering enough?

I finish my first year of university in three weeks. And as the clock strikes and time goes by, there are so many things I want to do.

I want to travel this summer. I want to read fifty books in three months. I want to explore every part of London I haven’t seen yet. I want to be out with my friends late at night, spend quality time together, and deal with the consequences afterwards.

I want to experience passion and perhaps kiss a stranger on a Friday night. Perhaps find a lover.

I want to face the wrath of my mother, who is limited and doesn’t understand who I am because we belong to two different generations. I understand that now. She needs to swallow her pill.

Whatever risk you want to take or whatever goal you have set in mind, do it. Fake the confidence and the bravery if you have to, and live life. I know it is scary.

You may be disappointed. You may be rejected.

But you must remember that whatever the choice may be, we’ll only ever know the outcome of the one we take. And none will ever resolve the uncertainty of life.

So then I will tell you again, do it or do not, you will regret both.

Stay tuned for future posts on The Playground of Ideas. Feel free to stay connected with me on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube, where I will post videos very soon.

I love you all:)